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Life update/personal struggles

My motto and favorite quote: ~"I want to help people, I want people to say, because of you, I didn't give up!"

**Not sure if anyone will read this or care, but I felt the need to get everything swirling around in my head out on “paper.” (and, as always, I want to show people that I am human, we are all human- with normal stress, anxieties, insecurities, and life transitions!). 

This is ME!

Anyways… hey guys, so the last few months have been a WHIRLWIND! A LOT of personal and professional change- good, bad, and everything in between. I’ll lay it all out here… 

A little background first… I moved to Orange County last August 2018 to start my first job as a Registered Dietitian at PHFE WIC (Women, Infant, Child Nutrition)- a state non profit nutrition program. They provide nutrition education, breastfeeding support, healthy food and family resources to underprivileged mothers and families. This was never a job I thought I would want, but once given the opportunity (especially to move to SoCal, which was the goal), I decided to give it a try. I worked there for almost a year and learned SO much, personally and professionally, and am forever grateful for the opportunity, BUT… it just wasn’t my passion. The last few months working there were extremely mentally hard for me. I was not being professionally challenged, I knew there was no growth for me in the company, and my heart was not in it. My anxiety was through the roof and I was going home every day in tears. 

PHFE WIC: registered dietitian day post

*** side story: I have diagnosed anxiety and have been on medication for years (YES i’m admitting this.. NO SHAME!!). I was diagnosed and medicated when I first went into treatment for my ED- So I had a lot of regret, concerns, and questions of the validity of the diagnosis. Throughout this last few months at WIC I decided to go off my meds (without doctor approval and telling anyone… PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS!), to see what would happen and if I was stable enough to cope on my own. 

….. Short answer…. I WAS NOT! 

If you know me, I am a very upbeat, positive, happy, talkative, excitable person. I really try to look at the positive in life, in people, and in any situation; I love talking to people, helping them, supporting them, and just trying to help everyone enjoy life! Well…. None of this was happening, and I took my friends, BF, and family down with me. I do not want to go into too much detail here, but it just made me realize that I have a true hormonal imbalance… and the extreme panic attacks, long depression episodes, a lot of negativity, and low energy were NOT worth being “unmedicated.” Sometimes we have to use the man made resources and tools that this new industrializes western medicine world has given us, and THAT IS COMPLETELY OKAY! So, im back on my very low dose of meds and doing great! *** (short story long, lol) If anyone has questions about this or wants to talk to me more, please feel free to DM or email me, I’ll be happy to chat!! 🙂

My sister = my best friend in the world!! (love you to Osha)

Ok, moving on…

After a few months of reaching out to local RDs, making as many connections as I could, attending all the food/nutrition/wellness events, and putting myself out there… I got offered a contract (short term) job as the head RD at an eating disorder facility! AMAZING RIGHT…. Yes, but here is the catch. Contract RDs do not get any benefits, no retirement fund, tax is not taken out of their paycheck (seems amazing but you get SUNK come tax season), and contracts are usually short term or can be broken at any time. Positive side- you have A LOT of flexibility, more opportunities (a lot of places want to hire people for a few hours here and there and will pay A LOT for them) and a huge amount of personal and professional growth! 

The decision to leave a very stable job with amazing benefits for something short term, less hours, and not stable was a mental and emotional rollercoaster. (Mind you, all this was also happening when I was off my meds, going through a break up that took me completely off guard, was very overworked/tired/ needing a vacation and just feeling lost with my motivation and path in life). But, after MANY LONG discussion with my parents (and going back on my medication), I decided to take the offer- this was a job I always wanted, was in line with my passions and dreams, and a challenge I needed to take in life right now. 

WIC conference: so much appreciation for this company!!

*** and I also feel lucky to have this option- I have AMAZING, incredible, supportive parents that encourage me daily and are willing to help me if things do not work out! 

This was the BEST decision I could have made! Right after I accepted this offer, put in my 2 weeks for my other job….. And got to go on a 10 day vacation with my family to regroup, refocus, get back to myself, and think about my goals….. Other opportunities started falling into my lap! Sometimes you just have to take that leap, and know everything will work out like it is supposed to. 

So, what I’m doing now:

  1. Part time head RD at an ED facility (with a focus on intuitive eating)
  2. Nutrition educator and counselor at 2 substance abuse facilities
  3. Medical nutrition counselor for a small local company
  4. Other small contract jobs that come my way: i.e helping some companies with menus, meal planning, nutrition ed, grocery store tours, etc.
  5. Getting my private practice up and running (IG, website, services, etc)- if you want to work with me please send me an email!! <3

I am loving the freedom, flexibility, challenge, and growth that has come with this transition. I feel myself again, I feel happy, I feel excited, I feel content.

Frose all day: fun an balance = best life

BUT…. this has also brought on a lot of new fear and imposter syndrome. 

When It comes to finances, insurance, savings, retirement, legality (with private practice and everything involved in it)….. As well as… “am I good enough,” “Am I making a difference,” “am I teaching my clients clear tangible information,” etc. Business, marketing, money- they are not my specialty, and honestly all of it kind of confused and overwhelms me. And still trying to build my confidence in myself and my abilities too!

On top of that, I recently learned that I have extremely high levels of mold toxicity, Candida overgrowth, and SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth), plus some other fungal infections… on top of my hashimoto’s hypothyroidism. 

This is NOT to make you feel bad or sorry for me AT ALL. Overall I’m loving my jobs, excited for my future, and enjoying life/dating/friends more than ever before. 

This is just to show you I’M HUMAN JUST LIKE YOU. I have MANY struggles, many fears, many things I do not understand/have trouble with, and many health issues. 

Do not be afraid to admit your fears/struggles…. Because it can in turn help and inspire others along the way!! 

If you ready this whole thing, I just want to say thank you…. Kind of used this as my journal to let everything out. PLEASE never hesitate to contact me if you have any questions! 🙂

~ “One day you will tell your story of how you have overcome what you’re going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide!” <3

Life is a journey…. take it day by day… and know you’re never alone!! <3

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